


Chronograph

by psithurism



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Crack-ish, DUM-E is having an affair with a toaster, M/M, Tony is slightly delightfully manically insane, Tony just wants to finish his project, and Steve is just confused, but things happen, random snippet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-16
Updated: 2018-04-16
Packaged: 2019-04-23 17:20:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14337333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/psithurism/pseuds/psithurism
Summary: On the list of exciting things to happen to Tony during midnight, this is not even in the top five.





	Chronograph

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a random thing I wrote. I don't know either. Also, I don't know what to title this so uh, yep.

“So,” Tony starts, casually, as if he isn’t currently inches above the floor, suspended only by the hand twisted around his collar, pushing him into the wall. “Not that I don’t appreciate the warm greeting, but is that a lovely Breitling Navitimer 1884 Limited Edition on your wrist? I think it is. Beautiful watch—no need to calculate distance and rate through an external instrument, just that functional slide rule which is, I say, the best part of—urk.”

He’s been holed up in his dorm for the better part of the weekend, awake twenty-nine hours and counting, trying to finish the project he’s promised the dissertation committee, when he’s heard the front door opening and the crash that’s followed five seconds after.

“Give me your AI,” his assaulter says, and Tony squints at the point above the man’s right ear. The watch displays 11:53 PM.

“My AI?” he prompts. “You have to be more specific there, buddy. Last year, I had to upgrade the toaster since DUM-E kept romancing it, the sap. Also, I do have to ask where you got that dazzling watch. I just can’t seem to take my eyes away from it. It’s just a shame that there’s a small crack on the glass— _urgh!”_

“Your AI.” The man punctuates his words by slamming Tony into the wall, which was not a pleasurable experience when the guy doing it has no concern for your general welfare.

Tony pauses through the pain on his back and zeroes in on the guy’s answer. He must’ve been talking about JARVIS, who’s made home in his laptop for the time being because of this precise possibility—which is no longer potentially possible but a concrete reality that’s presently unfolding, really. But the thing is, nobody knows JARVIS exists, not yet, not in his current state. Sure, Tony’s mentioned about him once or twice, in passing, to Rhodey and Pepper, but Tony can’t recall telling it to someone else.

Which means that somebody has been snooping around his stuff without his knowledge.

Tony swallows. It grates, like metal nails scratching on his bones. He vows to himself to track the person responsible for this.

Something whirs to their left, but Tony ignores it.

“Of course, _that_ AI.” Because like hell Tony would give everything away. “The best AI, the greatest AI that only I have created. The AI that will blow your pants off if you ever get around to having it, but, _of course_ _,_ you will never have it, because …”

The poor guy doesn’t see it coming: a toaster sailing at a perfect arc, hitting the guy’s head with a loud clang, knocking him out. The guy falls in a crumpled heap on the floor, dragging Tony down with him. Tony scrambles away, then looks up.

“DUM-E, you heroic piece of scrap, of all things! I thought you’re in love with the toaster; did you have a lovers’ tiff? I don’t want any divorce happening under my roof.”

DUM-E whirs, disconsolate, and that’s when the door bursts and in comes The Most Gorgeous Man Tony Has Ever Seen.

“Stop right there!” Blond And Beautiful says in a rush, ready for a fight. “I saw a suspicious guy entering this building so I followed him and then I heard a crash here. Did somebody break in? Are you all … right … oh.”

Normally, Tony’s a fan of beautiful things, appreciates them with every fervor they deserve, and this guy pings his sense of aesthetics so hard. Tall with clear azure eyes, a prominent jaw, cheekbones to die for, and a body so captivating it can cause passers-by to walk into a lamppost. But what happened before the arrival of Blond And Beautiful dampens Tony’s admiring mood. He won’t let himself get distracted this time.

Doesn’t mean he can’t luxuriate in it _just_ a bit.

“Hey, gorgeous, great timing. I’m scratch-free, thanks for asking, by the way. I just need to, uh, handle this little thing right here.”

Blond And Beautiful’s staring at the unconscious man on the floor before he’s looking up. He sees Tony and gapes, a slow blush filling his face, neck, and ears.

DUM-E chooses that time to unleash the fire extinguisher against Tony’s assailer.

They both awkwardly watch DUM-E douse the guy with foam until the robot stops and turns to Tony with a hopeful tilt of his claw. Tony sighs.

“Great, DUM-E. Awesome. You did good. Didn’t get hurt thanks to you. Now get back to your toaster before she leaves you for good.”

DUM-E chirps, rolling towards the appliance of his affections.

“Um,” Blond And Beautiful says, still blushing.

“Oh! Almost forgot.” Tony kneels beside the guy and takes off the watch. Inspects it for a moment then pockets it. Steps back.

“That’s good,” Blond And Beautiful says, after another moment of awkward silence. “That you’re not hurt, I mean.” His eyes dart around the room until they settle on the man again.

Tony is suddenly struck with a dilemma: should he take the guy to the cops? But Tony wants to find out how they know about JARVIS, so should Tony interrogate the guy himself? He sneaks a glance at Blond And Beautiful and arrives at a decision.

Tony goes to his desk and rummages for a cable tie, crying out in triumph when he finds two. He gives one to Blond And Beautiful, who takes it blankly, and approaches his knocked-out attacker.

“Help me tie this guy up,” Tony says.

That snaps Blond And Beautiful into attention. He shakes his head and walks towards the body.

“Shouldn’t we call the police for this?” he asks.

“Nope,” Tony answers, after he makes sure that the tie is secured on the wrists. He looks up to see Blond And Beautiful doing the same on the guy’s feet, and isn’t that lovely?

When they’re done, they watch their work silently until Tony turns to Blond And Beautiful. “Thanks, gorgeous,” Tony begins. “I could have done this without you, but I still appreciate your presence here and all.” And he appreciates him _so hard._

Blond And Beautiful blushes again, and brings a hand up for Tony to shake. “I’m Steve,” he says.

Steve. Steve. A beautiful name for a beautiful man.

“Tony,” Tony says, shaking the hand.

“Nice to meet you, Tony,” Steve says, belatedly.

After an admittedly fifteen-second handshake that involves soulful gazing (on Tony's part) and awkward gazing (on Steve's part), Tony releases his hand (but not without a lingering caress from the palm to the tips of Steve's fingers; Steve blushes so beautifully) and steps back. “Right!” Tony declares, and searches for his phone.

“Okay,” Steve says, as if arriving at a decision, “what should I do next?”

And wouldn't you look at that. Steve, beautiful and gorgeous Steve, barges in Tony's dorm in what he thinks is an act of valor, and then, seeing that Tony's already taken care of it, helps Tony instead in tying the guy up for interrogation without kicking up a fuss. He hasn't met someone who would go along Tony's outrageous plans since Rhodey.

Tony's a little bit in love.

“Well, you can put him on a chair, so he's more comfortable when he wakes up.”

Steve frowns, but does as he's told. “Why wouldn't you tell the police? Shouldn't they be doing this?”

“Those are good, valid questions, Steve! I,” Tony says, maneuvering to stand beside Steve, “actually know who's after me. And I want to settle the score by myself.”

Steve only stares at him, skeptical.

Tony digs the watch out of his pocket and shows it to Steve.

“Stunning watch, isn't it? Expensive and uncommon. And you'd think, how did a guy like him manage to get a watch like this?”

He lets the question hang in the air for a moment. Steve looks curious enough.

“It's because the watch was handed to him. It's because he was told to wear this watch when he comes here, so that I could see it, because this is a message. And why would I know that?”

Tony waits for a beat, and gives a gleeful smile.

“I know that because this watch was a gift. I bought it for Obie.”


End file.
